Sunday, April 13, 2014

I Am Not Naive

Taking a break from the Ecuador trip. Even though I wasn't really posting anyways. Whoops.

I think when people hear that I have never been in a relationship, they tend to think I am extremely naive. Yes, I know there aren't many of us out there who have gone our entire teenage years having no significant others. I know you haven't met anyone since you were two that hasn't had a boyfriend. I know you think it's my fault that I've been single my whole life. Well, let me tell you something. I am not naive.

I feel as though I have gained an immense amount of knowledge from watching and observing. Why put yourself through heartbreak just to learn the lessons that can be taught by watching other people experience heartbreak? Cold. I know. But seriously.

Here are just a few of the lessons I've learned from observing:

1. After I get engaged, I would like to spend at least one week with no contact with my significant other. You may think this is foolish, but let me explain. The heart gets in the way of the brain. There have been times where I have almost put myself into a situation based solely on emotions. When I was able to take a step back, I realized that I was not being smart. Taking a week break would allow time for God and I to have some talks and be really really sure that this is the man I want to marry.

2. If I find a man that I know my dad wouldn't approve of, it's not happening.

3. Spending all of your time with your significant other means losing friends. I get that you're marrying your best friend, but sometimes it's nice to have other outlets. Some girl time, ya know?

4. Make sure you know that you like each other for who the other person is, not what they look like. Cause trust me, we're not gonna look the same when we're pregnant.

5. Problems are best worked out by talking about them. Don't assume that the other person knows what you are thinking, because they probably don't.

6. Please, please, please, please. Talk about kids BEFORE you get married. I know this scares guys to bring up the subject of kids. But if you're engaged, it's something you need to talk about. What kind of school do you want them to attend? How are you going to punish your kids? Are you going to take turns in the middle of the night getting up? They seem like simple questions, but they can cause big problems.

7. Don't feel like you need to say yes to someone just because you've been dating them for a while.

8. Don't try to please other people with your relationship. You should be trying to please God.

9. If you can't see yourself in a year with a person, don't even consider dating them. True story.

10. You have to WORK to keep a marriage strong. Find ways to keep the romance alive. The world tells us that marriage is eventually going to get mundane. No more butterflies. I believe that if you're intentional, you can prevent that.

Those are just a few things I pulled from my head thinking about my friends/family's relationships. Each of them from different people.

So don't even tell me that I am naive. Don't tell me that I have failed. Don't tell me that I need to be the one pursuing. Don't tell me that it's my fault. If you haven't met anyone that hasn't had a high school relationship, maybe you're hanging out with the wrong crowd of people.

Can I also say I don't necessarily think it's my fault that I have not been in a relationship? However, I also wouldn't say it has been my choice either. But let me tell you who's choice it has been. God's. God continues to mold me and make me beautiful on my own while I wait to find the person that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. All the while making him beautiful too. God's timing is always perfect, and, for that reason, I will wait patiently.